The computer did not call me lazy for prioritizing rest.
The past few months have effectively wrecked me. COVID has weakened my immune system, so I've been catching every little germ and virus that's crossed my path since September. It's been frustrating to deal with the setbacks that come with chronic illness, especially considering the current economic climate. It's hard to be sick when you're trying to hustle.
I was excited to start my "training" with the Fitbit personal health coach this week, which recently entered public preview. But then I woke up with a sore throat on Monday and was feeling the muscular strain that comes with an ailing body. There was no way I could push myself physically. Any energy I had was allocated to help me meet a deadline and manage the household.
I told Fitbit in our chat window that I didn't think this was the week we'd be locking in. It was, unsurprisingly, understanding and gracious, which is how I asked it to be with me when I originally set it up. It was also nurturing? "I'm so sorry to hear you're still feeling sick, and that your body hurts and you're tired," it said to me, as I typed out complaints about my physical symptoms. "Your body is clearly sending strong signals that it needs to prioritize recovery right now."
Luckily for me, and just the confirmation bias I needed, the Pixel Watch 4's sensors were picking up the onset of the illness. My heart rate was fluctuating either too high or too low, and I was sleeping restlessly as a result of my stuffed-up sinuses. All week, Fitbit let me rest. It hasn't once asked me to exercise, except yesterday, after I'd slept a whopping 9 hours and told it I might be up for some gentle movement. But then my one day upright became devoted to making the deadline mentioned above. Fitbit didn't make me feel bad for reallocating my available spoons.
Intellectually, I am aware that artificial intelligence is supposed to be this agreeable. I know that this is how these things are designed to keep people engaged, and I understand how dangerous that can be when unregulated. And yet, I prefer to feel completely and wholly validated by the computer. When it told me to prioritize recovery, I felt a sense of relief that something else had permitted me to do what I struggle to give myself. What worries me is how much more effective it is to receive those frilly feelings from software than from within myself. It is so much easier to call upon a computer for that kind of grace, just like it's easy to have it write your essay for class.
This is why they call it "work." It takes effort to develop a sense of self, especially if it wasn't instilled in you during childhood. I'm worried that I'm training myself to rely on a new instinct, letting the chatbot be the validator, as I remain unsure in my bones. I'm not proud of it, though I am curious enough that this will likely be a topic of discussion at my next therapy session.
I have more testing to do with Fitbit's personal health coach before I can truly assess its effectiveness in motivation. We haven't started actually exercising yet. On the plus side, Fitbit's personal health coach only deals with the data you input into the app, which makes it less of a risk to interact with than big ol' Gemini. Gemini would have been as understanding as Fitbit is, since they're derivatives of one another. But without the guardrails of wellness, who knows where else that conversation could have gone?
Even as election night buzzed away in the USA, Jason, Huyen, and Ron held down the fort with a review of an AI-powered robot and a phone with a physical keyboard.
